Hello again.
I have been insanely neglectful to this website lately. I realize this. My last instagram deletion really annoyed me. NOT because I lost all my content, but I lost most of my audience.. THEN I realized, "Who cares". I write these essays for myself. So, I'm back. My brain is beginning to swell.

I'm also going to again apologize for the over use of "I".. Most of these entries are written in first person. It's something I've tried to learn to write around, and still can't seem to do it. Bear with me.

Last night I found this t-shirt from my high school years. It's a collaborative shirt. Kid Robot for Barack Obama. I remember when I purchased it, the feeling of excitement to wear it. And give a big FUCK YOU to anyone who had a differing opinion. I was brash, and ballsy. "Why are you voting for him?" some cracker (a dry, unseasoned piece of bread. Mostly white) from my high school would ask.. Staring at me like I was insane.. "Because he's black" was my answer 8 times out of 10. Because that's the answer they wanted and it was easier to say that than it was to say "Because I agree with most of the strategies he's panned out. I like that he smokes cigarettes and is open about trying to quit.. I read his book over the summer and felt it was well written and very insightful. I like that he said the word "fuck". And is a real human being CHANGE IS NEARING". People hate when you have an opinion which you can back up with reasoning. Because a majority of young people have ZERO basis for their opinions. Were the reasons I listed valid? Probably not.. BUT they were MY reasons, and I had them ready when needed. Most teens just spout out some half true fact they over heard a smarter person saying, and think that some how cements them into something... It does NOT. You should ALWAYS have at least three reasons for your opinion which you can rapid fire off at the drop of a dime.

I was forced to take pottery in high school. I needed HALF a credit to graduate, and this was my only option. And I can remember one time, as the election was drawing near, a girl (who's name I don't know, and probably never took the time to learn. Due to the fact that she would say shit like this) decided to join into a conversation I was having with my (then) friend Shelby. Shelb and I were discussing the election and basically just having some light chatter... BIG MOUTH (we will refer to her as BM from this moment forward, which could also mean bowel movement, also fitting) pipes in.. "I like Sarah Palin".. a half smile skimmers across my lips. "Why's that?" I say looking at her from across the table.. "I don't know, I just like her ideas"- "NAME ONE" I cut in.. She waits for three to four seconds and says "I just like how she handles herself".. I can't help but laugh at this point. I said "Girl, she is one of the worst VP candidates I have ever seen. She can't even name a fucking news paper she reads every day. And she plays victim. Fuck outta here".. At this point BM is getting angry. Her opinion isn't being taken seriously by me, or anyone within ear shot of this conversation. She decides shes now going to yell, as if I too can't raise my voice "You're just saying all this because she's a woman"-NOT A SECOND LATER I YELL BACK-"Bitch, I would sooner vote a woman than a man. You can keep trying those cliche responses you use on the other boys, but you sure as fuck won't be using them on me.".. At this point Ms. Fischer has over heard this "C-Span" broadcast taking place in the right corner of the room and smartly intervened. She had been my teacher for several art classes, and knew when to step in."Maybe you should take a step outside for a second" she said to me, half laughing (she was always entertained by my antics).."That's a good idea, her vote doesn't matter anyway" I yell, making sure BM hears me.. She does, and foolishly steps right into the trap I had knowingly set... "Why? Because I'm a woman?".... "No, because you're still 17 you fucking idiot" and with that I was rushed out the door to "cool off"... which in reality meant go home. Which is exactly what I did....

Last night, I sat on the floor of my closet, re-living this memory. Feeling like I was there again. Having this deeply connected feeling to the upcoming president. Yes, I was a naive 18 year old who's "deep" views were most likely shallow at best. But it was still that FEELING of "I'm excited for what's to come"..... I haven't felt that way in a long long long time. I miss this feeling.