I've lost it.
I've lost my ability to write. The ability to stay on topic... I've written and re-wrote so many unpublished essays that at this point I feel like shutting this down completely.

The ability to form a proper sentence seems to have slipped away. My ideas become jumbled. My words mixed together. What was once a brilliant and well thought out concept, swiftly falls apart. Like wet generic tissue paper, cheap shoes, and my personal life.



It's 3:30 AM the morning of my 25th(ish) birthday. The greater half of my night was spent wandering the city streets alone, eventually leading me to an empty park. Where my eyes began mustering up a slight tear every time my brain let it thing too long. You may ask "Why the over dramatics? What's so bad about your life?" .. and my answer would be "I don't know". I don't fucking know why I'm so miserable. The fact that I can be fine one minute and completely upside down the next is a complete mystery to me. Maybe because I have borderline personality disorder, or because I can't get out of my own fucking head for five seconds and question everyone around me's motives? Or it could be because I'm just fucking insane? I just don't know...
And then it hit me.. Out of no where. The realization hit me like that two pound increase on the scale after a week of starving... I'M NOT GETTING ENOUGH ATTENTION. That's totally it!!
 I miss sharing everything online. The good old days where I would low-key shade people, including my friends.. Post pictures, videos and written accounts of my escapades. Kept nothing to myself. That's what I need.

I miss that. I miss writing about myself, and it not being so fucking closed off and boring. No one cares about my eyebrow routine. They care about who's dick I touched in a Bergdorf's dressing room. They care about real shit. So today, my (whatever) birthday, I am announcing that I will be returning to the internet full force. Sharing everything I'm going through. Names may be changed or not given. Locations may be blurred to protect some things.. But it will be 100% real. Not censoring myself for others anymore.

Over the years I have taken care of A LOT of people. Held back for the sake of others... and that's when I started feeling miserable. When I started living for people. People whom I do NOT need to protect. And not for myself.. Fuck all that.

This is going to be my diary. Open to the public. Feel free to dissect me. 🎂